kratom
tuesday, october 1, 2024
9:35pm
took 7 grams of red elephant kratom from mitraman. ate a sausage before hand, as well as half a bottle of red, 12.5% wine. also coming down off of 35mg of dexedrine, the first dose of 20mg taken at about 11:00am, and the second dose of 15 taken at about 2:00pm. also took two gravol tablets at approx 9:30pm.
i’m currently feeling pretty alright – usually feel worse with a kratom comedown. though i do have a headache. sleepiness is at about 5/10, with an 8/10 being required to actually start to try to fall asleep. also on my period, which may be worth noting. day two of it to be precise.
will update in 15 minutes, which will be 20 minutes post consumption.
using the mood evalution scale, or evea, i’ll track changes pre and post consumption.
test.
below you will find a series of statements that describe different feelings and moods and a
0-10 scale beside each statement. read each statement and circle the number from 0 (“not at all”)
to 10 (“very much”) that best indicates how you feel right now, at this moment. do not
spend too much time on each statement and choose a response for each of them. each are scaled one to ten from not at all to very much.
i feel nervous – 3
i feel irritated – 4
i feel happy – 6
i feel melancholy – 5
i feel tense – 5
i feel optimistic – 6
i feel depressed – 4
i feel angry – 3
i feel anxious – 5
i feel downcast – 3
i feel annoyed – 4
i feel joyful – 5
i feel restless – 6
i feel displeased – 3
i feel cheerful – 5
i feel sad – 2
then i’ll add some of my own kratom specific indicators
i feel nauseous – 2
i feel itchy – 0
i have a headache – 6
i feel sleepy – 5
i feel easy to entertain – 4
i feel focused – 4
i feel pretty – 5
10:00pm, 25 minutes post consumption
i feel nervous – 2
i feel irritated – 2
i feel happy – 4
i feel melancholy – 4
i feel tense – 2
i feel optimistic – 4
i feel depressed – 4
i feel angry – 3
i feel anxious – 4
i feel downcast – 4
i feel annoyed – 4
i feel joyful – 4
i feel restless – 4
i feel displeased – 4
i feel cheerful – 4
i feel sad – 4
kratom specific
i feel nauseous – 4
i feel itchy – 4
i have a headache – 3
i feel sleepy – 4
i feel easy to entertain – 6
i feel focused – 5
i feel pretty – 5
currently feeling the comeup, feeling a bit discombulated, pretty sedated, and worried that i’ll be weird socially or am too “out of it.” also worried about impending nausea. am going to watch my show pachinko will update again soon.
11:45, two hours post consumption
i feel nervous – 2
i feel irritated – 5
i feel happy – 6
i feel melancholy – 5
i feel tense – 5
i feel optimistic – 6
i feel depressed – 3
i feel angry – 3
i feel anxious – 3
i feel downcast – 5
i feel annoyed – 3
i feel joyful – 5
i feel restless – 3
i feel displeased – 3
i feel cheerful – 5
i feel sad – 2
kratom specific
i feel nauseous – 3
i feel itchy – 5
i have a headache – 4
i feel sleepy – 7
i feel easy to entertain – 7
i feel focused – 7
i feel pretty – 5
so two hours post consumption – not too shabby. some of the results are going to be conflated with the inevitable lower mood of a dex comedown. however, i’ve been very focused the last couple of hours on this blog. still, it makes me a bit irritable and i feel a bit cracked out. but not too bad – especially in regards to how i usually feel on a dex crash. its definitely mitigation some of the negative effects. feel a little hot and slight headache but nothing crazy. no craving for alcohol or weed which is good. also getting more tired which is nice, but also adds to my headache.
i feel nervous –
i feel irritated –
i feel happy –
i feel melancholy –
i feel tense –
i feel optimistic –
i feel depressed –
i feel angry –
i feel anxious –
i feel downcast –
i feel annoyed –
i feel joyful –
i feel restless –
i feel displeased –
i feel cheerful –
i feel sad –
kratom specific
i feel nauseous –
i feel itchy –
i have a headache –
i feel sleepy –
i feel easy to entertain –
i feel focused –
i feel pretty –
september 30th 2024
september 2, 2024
what does your ideal day look like?
my ideal day looks like waking up with sho, cuddling, then getting really cute and dressed up to go out on a nature walk on a beautiful trail with a coolish/warm temperature.
it looks sunny, chill, room temperature, nature, sho, long talks, laughing, seeing animals, sitting beneath a tree, picnic food, cuddling, movie or anime, happy
what did you want to be when you were younger?
a lot of things. a princess, a zoologist, a doctor. very generic stuff. didnt have much of a specific job idea.
i didn’t ever really associate myself with having a job or career. never had a clear idea of exactly what i liked or wanted to do, no distinct passions. so all the careers were kind of basic.
who are you most inspired by? why?
martin luther king junior. best speech maker of all time, moved the world with non-violence, acceptance, unity and love as the core tenets. motivated by a deep moral calling.
people with deep ethics, intelligent, self aware, write philosophies or books, promote positive change in the world, value goodness and truth above all, help people, stay in long term marriages and never divorce and support spouse. support women, minorities, progressive thinking. actionable people who try to do something to make a change in something.
who would you love to meet? what would you ask?
martin luther king jr. id ask what he’d think needs to be done in the world right now to unify.
mlk. ask him what his purpose would be if he were to exist today.
what habit would you most like to break?
sleeping too much, overreacting, gossiping.
staying up too late, gossiping, flopping, procrastination
what habit would you most like to start?
waking up early, exercising more, writing daily.
waking up earlier, exercise, stretch daily, meditate, write, love, forgive, repent, be grateful
think of a person you truly admire. what qualities do you like about that person?
my friend rachael. her pure heartedness, kindness, and loving nature towards others.
aldous huxely: kindness, intelligence, commitment, dedication, perseverance, honour, loving, caring, personable, curious, daring, creative, innovative
how do you like to relax?
binging a show while i moisturize/do my makeup/beauty stuff
i like to stretch, listen to podcasts, watch something chill on tv, doomscroll, cuddle with sho and do all the above together ^
when was the last time you did something you were afraid of?
the other day when i went to a party with a bunch of girls i havent met before. went very well.
everyday im afraid of something or another. so daily.
what are you most proud of? what are you most afraid of?
i am most proud of my resiliency and pure heart, and the fact that i am very stable now (relatively). i am most afraid of pushing away those who i love, or being pushed away/abandoned.
if life stopped today, what would you regret not doing?
having babies.
who would you like to connect (or reconnect) with? why?
no one really. maybe sonya.
what qualities do you admire in others? what practical skills do you wish you had?
kindness, dedication, commitment, perseverance.
imagine you’re in your 90s. what memories would you like to have?
loving memories with sho and my family. memories of doing kind things for others and making great friendships, improving people’s lives.
what is your favourite book/movie/song? why?
not sure.
if you could make one change in the world, what would it be?
that everyone who lacked empathy pathologically had an exclamation mark above their heads.
what do you love to do for, or give to others?
make them feel better about themselves with words of affirmation.
what excites you?
new challenges
what do you wish you did more of?
exercise, writing
pretend money is no object. what would you do?
buy a house. learn how to drive and buy a car.
what area of your life, right now, makes you feel the best? why?
my relationship with sho, my success in school
let’s jump forward a year. what would you like to have achieved in the past year?
doing amazing in school, getting a job
what piece of advice would you give to five year old you?
hold on tight. love yourself throughout it all. nothing is the end of the world. it will get better. invest in bitcoin before 2012
how do you want to be remembered in life?
caring, loving, kind, wise
september 2, 2024
